Over the past several weeks, as life was electrified with a wedding, honeymoon, new husband, and new city, and new home, I have been struggling to find any kind of routine with my devotional schedule and Bible study. I am pretty good at doing this kind of thing in routine, especially in the mornings.
It is no secret to me that I need this important time with God. My heart, my soul, my self desires a deep, deep relationship with my Creator. The experience of being completely filled up, on the inside of course, by God, is more than addicting. It is like any other (healthy) relationship in which you love and completely admire someone. You desire to go deeper into the relationship, to be always more deeply connected to this person. In the same way, I desire that with God. I attain this connection largely through devotional times and reading the Bible, the *word* of God, to me (to us).
SO. Having spent most of January & February wrapping up things with my previous job position, planning and executing a wedding...or rather, marrying someone I am sure is perfect for me (and I for him--somehow??)... books packed up, no journal... just the Bible on my phone... I've been all out of sorts with my routine and devotionals. Still, God has never stopped calling to me, convicting me, whatever you want to call it. All of these feelings kind of came down last week. In the middle of what seems like chaos and too much change at times, I knew that I needed the constant relationship with my God.
There is so much change that has happened, I've noticed that I have not been able to fully process it all. All I have been asking today is for God to search my heart. To search me, to know me. And maybe, hopefully, to help me understand me (Psalm 139)!
And so, in the midst of all of these changes, here I stand. All I can do is open myself up to what God is going to use me for. I am a little impatient, and honestly, a little afraid. I was beat down and exhausted after my last job in ministry, and I never want to be that way again... it has taken almost a month to recover. So standing here in life with arms open wide is a little scary, and yet it plays into exactly what my devotional was about yesterday-- absolute dependence on God.
I'm not sure why I started this blog. But there it is...
Also, I have written "wife" so much, that every time I tried to type "wide" in this post, it came out "wife".
-Lindsay
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