Easter

This is not an obligatory post on Easter just because I am a Christian. This is a post about Easter because for the past few years, my version of Easter has mostly been focused on production of a service that is entrenched with the ideology and theology of Easter-- mainly that Jesus is the Son of God, that God did send him to this world to make a way for us, his children to experience his love and a freedom that we had not previously known because our sins made it impossible to be fully connected to this perfect God (or, God so loved the world that he sent his one and only son so that whoever believes it will have eternal life and not perish...), AND this year I've really just not been "feeling it." This year, I feel on the outside. Why? Probably because I have not been reading the story of it enough to remember it exactly, or that I have become disconnected with it, or maybe because I have not been living every moment in the light of the resurrection of Christ- maybe not even in light of the LIFE of Christ, or MAYBE not even his death, which was for me. I have been living as if I know God is with me, I know God is for me. But I missed Ash Wednesday, I missed Lent, I could have missed Easter! But oh, how very glad that I have not. Today I decided that enough was enough. I asked God to make it happen in my heart, because I wanted to feel it. I wanted to know the power of the resurrection of my own Savior this year. I have been desperate for it. Seriously, I woke up thinking about it, I went to bed thinking about it... etc. I am leading worship this week, and by God and by glory (literally), I wanted to know that the Holy Spirit of God was moving through me, and not just around me! I got onto my handy dandy ipad (because it was an amazing present that I totally didn't expect, and because my computer died, and my phone wasn't handy, and it has YOUVERSION that has pretty cool Bible reading plans). I got onto YouVersion and opened the Artists Bible Easter Reading plan. Day one was when Jesus was riding into the city on a colt. I don't need a refresher course on all of the events leading up to the crucifixion and subsequent death and resurrection of Jesus. About 25 years of that story isn't going to disappaer just because I'm not feelin' it. I began to read the passage from Matthew 21. Pause. Have you ever heard the song "Red Letters" by DC Talk? DC Talk is the real deal. "There is life in the red letters. There is truth in the red letters." ... My online Bible has red letters (surprise! I haven't read a red-letter Bible since... ever?). But there they were. Jesus' instructions to his disciples to begin the process set into motion eons before Jesus was ever born. Matthew quotes the prophetic words from Zechariah 9:9 and BAM. BAM. Bam. bam. it hit me. The presence and power of God hit me like... well, like an emotional wave, beceause that is pretty much how I work. Water works. Jesus. What's the point of this story? I had read these words dozens of times, if not hundreds of times in my life. However, just hearing them isn't enough if you don't actually want to receive anything from them. Today I wanted to receive something from them. I don't know what it was, but I was open to it. I didn't receive any great life lesson, no extra morals were poured out on me today. However, I was hit with the intense reality that Jesus is REAL, and that I have a relationship with him, and tbhat this was the beginning of an intensely painful timeline of events done all for me... and you. And everyone else. But for me. You see, I have been reading a lot of books lately. The Hunger Games was especially good... there is this kind of weird love story, this idea planted that someone will fight for your life (well, Katniss fought for peoples lives, Peeta had loved Katniss her whole life...) and well... I want someone who has loved me since the moment they ever saw me!! And wait, yes I do have that. I know it. It is my favorite passage in the Bible! Psalm 139- "Your eyes saw my unformed body... how amazing are your thoughts concerning me. Were I to count them, they would outnuumber the grains of sand..." My God has a love for me that I do not understand. I seek it out in many ways, many forms, and desire that kind of love greatly, but rarely to I seek to receive that love from God. Once, I remember, when I had no love from man, did Ii seek that out. I know being married to a more than awesome man who loves me has fulfilled many of my love needs, but there is a love that goes so much deeper, and fulfills the parts of my soul I sometimes don't even know exist. It's like a deep breath that fills up and oxygenates (yeah, I just used that word) ever cell to perfection. You feel it move through you, and you feel satisfaction-- a kind of wholeness. And all that because of Easter. There is a lot more to say about Easter. In my musings I've been thinking a lot about the "battle" for life or death, and how the victory has already been clinched... but what is it that keeps us from claiming that victory? From doing the right things all the time? I think it's because we don't lead with Christ, who is our shield. It sounds silly- what kind of warrior goes into battle and thinks their own fragile skin is enough protection against weapons with really sharp and accurate edges? But I know I do it often. I know I present myself before I present Christ. Of course, it is something that I'm getting better at (showing Christ first), but just a thought for you if you're interested. I know this didn't make a lot of sense, but it's easier to type tis out than write it in my journal. The end. For now. Lindsay