Expectant

I am so expectant! Not expecting (let's make that clear right now).

Maybe it is all of these months that I've been sitting around the house waiting, learning, doing nothing, doing everything, browsing Pinterest, learning from the Lord... who knows. Right now I am sitting in a hotel room drinking coffee, so that could very well be the reason for my great expectations!

But regardless, I am expectant. I am so full of joy for every moment, high or low, that has brought me to where I am now, sitting in this hotel room. This past year has been so full of excitement. One thing has lead to the next.

It was about this time last year that Matt and I began talking about getting married. In only a few weeks, it will be right around when he actually proposed! This lead to the expectation of a wedding and then moving to Alabama. Those two events did eventually happen, and all of the excitement was certainly not without reward!

Once we were settled in Alabama, I took on the task of adjusting to this new life... no work, just a house and me, and a husband. Oh, and two cats. Not working was pretty hard for me. Sure, it was nice on the days when I wanted to stay in bed until 9AM, but it became mundane. I eventually started taking exercise classes, and biding my time, looking for coffee shop jobs, etc. I was volunteering at the church Matt and I attended, and leading worship on a regular basis with an awesome group of people for an awesome church seeking to know God and love God, and love the community they lived in. Cue terribly sprained ankle and 2 months of recovery. Throughout these weeks, we did find out where we were going after Alabama. Cue new wave of expectation and excitement! House hunting, research, etc.!

I knew that, between April and when we moved in August, there were certain benchmarks: My friend, Elizabeth's wedding. CHECK. Trip to New Orleans (ick) and our new city (yay). CHECK. Camp Suwannee. CHECK. I mean, things were happening, and it was exciting! I then had our move to look forward to!

And suddenly that day came. All of our stuff was packed up, and moved. We followed with the trip I mentioned in my previous blog post. We visited family, and have now moved on from Colorado to Las Vegas. It's really not all that bad of a city if you are not tempted. But of course, temptation is everywhere. "Fun" in the name of money spent (which could be good, going into the economy), but probably bad, going out of the bank accounts of people who can't afford it. I see the sadness of the highest unemployment in the country, the long work days for my hard working and never complaining husband, and his desire to see my pleasure. Of course, there's no where I would rather be but waiting to see him each night.

But in my spare time (lots of it), I have spent the past few days catching up on all of the "worship" stuff I've missed. Now, I don't have high expectations of finding a job leading worship in Kansas. I dearly pray for the opportunity, but my expectations are so much more greatly geared towards what God is going to do there! For me, for Matt, and for the community. I love to worship God, I love to sing to Him and feel the joy it brings to his heart. I love to lead others in worship. I love to encourage people to worship God, and teach people about it! Oh how much I know God has made me to be this way. I also know he has given me a great gift of patience (surprise?) for his purpose to be worked out. He has given me an extraordinary gift of faith. I know my name may never be great on this earth or in heaven, but I desire so greatly for God to use me in this life.

This desire is what makes me so expectant now! Matt and I have time to spend with each other. We have another year together before a 9 month deployment. We have a deployment to get through. Will there be children? How will God use me in his world? How can I be useful where I am now? How can this expectation be translated into walking the path directed for me? I just don't know. Every day brings an answer, really. And every day I can look back to how God has been teaching me and how blessed I've been to hear the voice of God and experience his hand moving on my behalf. It is my gift, now, in this highly expectant time, to pray. To pray for myself, my family, others, this world, our leaders, each community I move through, the future, and for the brokenness in this world, for church congregations around the world... to pray for everything.

In the middle of all this praying, I desperately miss my keyboard. I wish I brought a guitar or something. I desperately desire my own space to sing as loudly and passionately as my body will let me. But I know that God will also use all of this pent up energy... possibly to focus it for me :). For now, I know I can devote (what I call) this time of quiet for me to study and listening.

Amazing, the opportunities that I get. Thank you, God, for such expectations you've placed in my heart.

The end.