Why does the past always seem safer?

"Maybe because at least we know we made it." - Chris Rice, "8th Grade"

I'm kind of excited about this morning.

I wanted to get into work earlier this morning, but I thought this might be more important- even just for my own recollection:

Over the past several weeks, I have been feeling... a bit out of place, physically. Spiritually, I've been growing and growing, but Savannah just never felt like a place I could make "home." I struggled significantly, and daily, with the desires that were in my heart that longed for something more, somewhere different, and "somewhere more".I struggled with these desires because I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God brought me to Savannah. Knowing what I know about how I ended up here, there is no way for me, or anyone else to say that God did and does not have a purpose for me here. My purpose has not yet been fulfilled here. So why do I long for something more? It reminds of the C.S. Lewis quote (also repeated by the lovely song writer, Brooke Fraser),

"If I find in myself a desire in myself which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

I feel that I am probably making idols for myself out of these ideas of grandeur and other places. But am I? I just don't know. I have been asking God to reconcile my feelings and my reality, and to take away the desires for what he does not desire for me. God is faithful, ever faithful. Over the past two weeks, I have been assured and affirmed in several different ways, and given a hope for the future that does not include my own plans. I have realized that my plans to go somewhere else have no foundation. Not only that, but they are NOT taking shape, nor do I see them taking shape by any work of my own. Therefore, I can trust only in God, who knew me before I was even created.

God has provided for my every need here, in Savannah. This "need" includes that of one for community and love, and the ability to love. This Sunday, I took tremendous joy in looking around at the congregation I serve and seeing so many familiar faces that, at this time last year, were strangers to me. I recognized them, and recognized that I do love them, very much, and want to serve God with them, and worship God with them. I want to be instrumental in the ways God is teaching them. Last night, I felt at peace with where I am for the first time in over a year (I only got here just over a year ago!).

I woke up this morning, put on some great worship music, and suddenly, those desires to be elsewhere crept into my heart again. I fought them with much more effort than I had in the past, because I have a sneaking suspicion those feelings are those of my own fleshy spirit, and not the Spirit of God. God may be planting seeds in my life that will bloom much later, but I don't believe that God would put in my heart desires that would distract me from his purposes here. The things that I can clearly point to that are of God have only inspired me in my work here- not "there", where ever "there" is.

Anyway, that put me in a bit of a funk. So I sat down on my couch with some coffee and some oatmeal and began to pray. It was a short prayer, very short, as in possibly just the greeting of a letter. I didn't get any further because I felt immediately as if God knew what I was going to say and ask (pretty much what I wrote above, with some petitions for help today). So, I opened the Bible to the Psalms, which are pretty much a no-fail when it comes to being transformed by the Word and learning more about who God is and how he works, for me. I really felt pulled towards a certain devotional site I use. Here was the very first thing on the page (the message version, because I checked out all of the other versions, cross referenced, and made sure it was an accurate translation JUST SO you don't think I'm taking it out of context):

"And don't be wishing you were some-place else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there." 1 Corinthians 7:17

If you're still thinking that I'm taking this out of context, which you may or may not, just take a look at some of the study. I write that only because I wanted to make sure that this is exactly what God was telling me, and not something I'm reading into it (If those fleshy desires want their way, they're gonna fight for it... and you've got to be prepared! Remember the put on the full armor of God... Study, study, study!).

Talk about getting hit across the head with a Bible! I felt like God was thumping it right at me, but in a good way! Anyway, I hope that you, whomever, and where ever you are, reading this, can be encouraged in your walk with Christ, and look to Him for guidance and seek contentment where you are.

So, to answer the question that I seemed to have been asked at least 20, 000 times recently:

Am I happy? Absolutely.

"Why do we worry about the future
When everyday will come just the way the Lord ordained it."

-Chris Rice, "8th Grade"

------------------------------------------------ 8AM (to previous)

Seriously, I'm sitting at work listening to music, worshiping, planning and dreaming of ways to help us worship God more passionately and finding ways to connect a community to God and each other. I love my job. I LOVE my job.

"Humble yourself under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time." 1 Peter 5:6

------------------------------------------------11:24AM (to previous)

Love, Save The Empty - Erin McCarley
Arithmetic & C.S. Lewis Song- Brooke Fraser

Desert Song - HillsongUnited

So Good To Me - Cory Asbury

Your Love - Brandon Heath

Todd Fields - It Is Well

AND NEW ARTIST OF THE DAY: Jillian Edwards, get her EP, it's fabulous. Then follow all of the recommendations from iTunes after that.

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When I am filled with the Spirit of God I am lacking nothing, and need nothing else. However, I am pretty hungry right now. Apples away :).

Lindsay