Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;

You teach me wisdom in the inmost place. -Psalm 51


Last night I was thinking about what this week will bring for teaching at Isle of Hope. We are learning to pray with David, for forgiveness. The scripture reference is Psalm 51. As my musings began, I believe God nudged me in a very gentle way as a reminder to practice asking for my own forgiveness. As I prayed through this psalm, I realized that, for me, while I thank God continually for delivering me from all temptations, and therefore avoiding that sin, I know that I want more. "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." This goes along, I think, with the last verses of one of my favorite psalms, 139, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in my, and lead me in the way everlasting."

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I've also been learning a lot from Mother Theresa as I read her post-humus auto-biography, Come Be My Light.

In one of the chapters (2), the author includes her private vow to

"ask Jesus not to allow me to refuse him anything, however small. I [would] rather die."

To me, it seems like I have grown in my spirituality under the assumption that one should always seek to offer everything, all of one's being, to Christ. So, I ask myself, what is so special about this vow that Mother Theresa makes? I have searched myself, searched and searched, and found that the truth of the matter is that I must, still, no matter how many times I have heard it, surrender continually to this same vow that MT made, always being aware of my position in God's love, and really searching myself to find out how much I am loving God this day, and in any given moment. In any moment, any decision, ask and hear the answer: What can I give to you from this moment in time?

Why must we give ourselves fully to God? Because God has given Himself to us. If God who owes nothing to us is ready to impart to us no less than Himself, shall we answer with just a fraction of ourselves? To give ourselves fully to God is a means of receiving God himself. I for God and God for me. I live for God and give up m won self, and in this way induce God to live for me. Therefore to possess God we must allow Him to possess our soul.   

-Mother Theresa