You give me grace to do your will.

I was finishing Ezra today. I love to see the examples set by leaders in the Bible. Ezra was committed to studying and teaching God's Word and because of that, powerful people's hearts turned towards God. I noticed how the king at the end of the book (short book, went through like 3 kings?) enabled Ezra and his people to return to Jerusalem where "their God" resided. Ezra was appointed to raise up the leaders of God's holy people to make this move and bring the free-will offerings to God (we're talking about over 30 tons of materials and then some...). 

I immediately thought: I bet it was nice being a leader in that situation-- having to coordinate other leaders who are completely on board with what you're going to do because it's also what they've always wanted. There's no wondering about whether or not their commitment level is where it needs to be, etc.. I often feel overwhelmed with the responsibility of trying to coordinate and encourage people in the church and community to be leaders and take ownership of this ministry God has set forth. After church council meeting last night, I know it is something most other people feel and understand as well as I do. It would be nice to have, like Ezra seemed to, a group of people like the priests and Levities to be with it. However, no less than two chapters later, the people began to defy God's command to remain set apart, not intermarried with cultures who are worshiping other gods and doing various other kind of... atrocious acts of sacrifice for nothing... LEAD BY the same priests and leaders of the Israelites. Ezra was devastated. He tears his tunic, pulls the hair from his head and face, fasts, mourns, and prays to God. 

This turned my own heart to pray for the work that we do everyday. As I was praying, I had the song "None But Jesus" running through my head. It could have been that I in my prayer I used similar language: "grace to do your will". Anyway, I was writing out this prayer and I was just overwhelmed by the love of God and the kind and gentle way his Spirit had come to move in me in that moment. 

Every once in a while, a Christian has to live on faith alone. You know-- those days when there's no heart feeling but just a brain understanding what was done... knowing the stories and the fact that at some point in your life, there was a transforming work done that continues to be renewed and transformed... Yeah, I knew that in my head, but yesterday morning my heart wasn't feeling much (and I had already spent time dwelling, simply, in the presence of God, so it's not like I didn't already have a real experience of the relationship I share with God through Christ that day). Sometimes I think God gives me glimpses of what it would be like to be an unbeliever in Western cultures in these ways... 

All that to say that after this morning, and experiencing the gentle move of the Spirit of God in my own soul in even the smallest way, I know that my Redeemer lives. Being in relationship with God is much like being in a healthy, happy relationship here on earth. It works: It is happy, and in all circumstances, whether you're simply loving because you know you should or because you're overwhelmed with loving feelings for the person you love. The best part about this relationship with God, though, is that even in my own times of unfaithfulness and confusion- when life seems to be chaotic and I selfishly focus on myself, I always return to a God who loves me with the perfect example of love (which is in part): Unwaveringly faithful, humble even though it is the most deserving of love, adoring, and serving to the point of pouring out all that he has in love with me..! I want that... and you know it won't be found in any one human being all the time (no matter how hard we try).

Anyway, my prayer for the day- for me and for others I love and do ministry with- became this song written by Brooke Fraser:

In the quiet in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored
When You call I won't refuse
Each new day again
I'll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos in confusion
I know You're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
When You call I won't delay
This my song through all my days

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord
Forevermore

-Lindsay