Death to Death (Remembering My Baptism)

We went through Psalm 38 and Galatians 2 last night in our Life Group, and these verses from Galatians 2 really have begun to stick in my mind: 

19 For when I tried to keep the law, it condemned me. So I died to the law—I stopped trying to meet all its requirements—so that I might live for God. 20 My old self has been crucified with Christ.[e] It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 21 I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die.

I kept thinking, along the lines of the freedom Marisha talked about, "if only David had the kind of freedom we have..." but I would get stuck at answering the question, "how do I actually live in that freedom without sinning? Because I really do consistently, and most times, knowingly mess up or neglect/adulterate my relationship with God... and that makes me feel more trapped in sin and guilty than ever."

It seems to me that is how David felt...

4 My guilt overwhelms me—
    it is a burden too heavy to bear...

9 You know what I long for, Lord; you hear my every sigh. 

 "Will God EVER just HELP ME to always stop sinning?" I really feel like David needed the power of God like we need the power of His Spirit to help us do what we know we should do. 

So what example can we take from Paul? He died to the law. He says it like it was easy... "SO, I [just, like] died to the law... that I might [just, like] live for God." 

Oh, okay, thanks Paul. That's REALLY helpful in application. I will just do it. 

Not so much. At least, not for me. 

This morning, my dad emailed me a song from Andrew Peterson called "The Good Confession (I Believe)." There was one line of the song that really grabbed my heart and I couldn't even believe it... 

"And every step of the way his grace is making me; with every breath I breathe, he is saving me."

It was the answer I needed to free me. The song itself is right- "I rarely fell; mostly dove right in, and drank so deep from the shallow well, only to thirst again."

It was the hope I needed to free me. 

 21 I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die. Galatians 2:21

1. His grace is making me. Always making me.
2. He is saving me. Always saving me. 

I don't know why I needed that reassurance, but I do feel sure that Satan was speaking lies into my soul that I couldn't do it. I couldn't live the life God wants me to live. It's too hard, so whatever I'm doing now is okay and I can live with it. I so rarely feel like I just can't do something, but I was being beat down. Why can't I stop doing this, or start doing that? I have surrendered my ability to God. I have cried out to Him as David did and my cry was generally the same, "God you KNOW what I need!" and it never seemed to come when I needed it. So I felt trapped in those moments. But here we are, and now I realize how little attention I was giving God's grace. I wasn't really "living with it." It was actually killing me. I was treating grace as meaningless. I was praising God and truly pouring my heart into worship for Christ's sacrifice for my sin. I am singing songs like "O the blood of Jesus washes me... O the blood it is my victory" and I knew in my heart, and was claiming with a purpose that His sacrifice is my victory. But I was not investing in GOD'S ability, the ability to walk well, full of grace, that he has already imparted to me. I was only passively living as I thought I could, investing as much as I thought I needed to relying on the Spirit as a power I could tap into when needed (ha). 

Father forgive me for treating your sacrifice as meaningless, even if I didn't know it (and when I did). Thank you for always making me, and always saving me. I believe. Thank you for bringing me back to the day of my baptism and death to death.